Seven Stones to Stand or Fall

Jamaica Early May 1762 Lord John Grey dipped a finger gingerly into the little stone pot, withdrew it, glistening, and sniffed cautiously. Jesus! Yes, me lord. That's what I said. His valet, Tom Byrd, face carefully averted, put the lid back on the pot. Was you to rub yourself with that stuff, you'd be drawing flies in their hundreds, same as if you were summat that was dead. Long dead, he added, and muffled the pot in a napkin for additional protection. Well, in justice, Grey said dubiously, I suppose the whale is long dead. He looked at the far wall of his office. There were a number of flies resting along the wainscoting, as usual, fat and black as currants against the white plaster. Sure enough, a couple of them had already risen into the air, circling lazily toward the pot of whale oil. Where did you get that stuff? The owner of the Moor's Head keeps a keg of it; he burns it in his lamps-cheaper nor even tallow candles, he says, let alone proper wax ones. Ah. I daresay. Given the usual smell of the Moor's Head on a busy night, nobody would notice the stink of whale oil above the symphony of other reeks. Easier to come by on Jamaica than bear grease, I reckon, Tom remarked, picking up the pot. D'you want me to try it with the mint, me lord? It might help, he added, with a dubious wrinkle of the nose. Tom had automatically picked up the oily rag that lived on the corner of Grey's desk and, with a dexterous flick, snapped a fat fly out of the air and into oblivion. Dead whale garnished with mint? That should cause my blood to be especially attractive to the more discriminating biting insects in Charles Town-to say nothing of Canada. Jamaican flies were a nuisance but seldom carnivorous, and the sea breeze and muslin window screening kept most mosquitoes at bay. The swamps of coastal America, though . . . and the deep Canadian woods, his ultimate destination . . . No, Grey said reluctantly, scratching his neck at the mere thought of Canadian deer flies. I can't attend Mr. Mullryne's celebration of his new plantation house basted in whale oil. Perhaps we can get bear grease in South Carolina. Meanwhile . . . sweet oil, perhaps? Tom shook his head decidedly. No, me lord. Azeel says sweet oil draws spiders. They come and lick it off your skin whilst you're asleep. Lord John and his valet shuddered simultaneously, recollecting last week's experience with a banana spider-a creature with a leg span the size of a child's hand- that had burst unexpectedly out of a ripe banana, followed by what appeared at the time to be several hundred small offspring, at a garden party given by Grey to mark his departure from the island and to welcome the Honorable Mr. Houghton Braythwaite, his successor as governor. I thought he'd have an apoplexy on the spot, Grey said, lips twitching. Likely wishes he had. Grey looked at Tom, Tom at Grey, and they burst into suffocated snorts of laughter at the memory of the Honorable Mr. Braythwaite's face on this occasion. Come, come, Lord John said, getting himself under control. This will never do. Have you- The rumble of a carriage coming up the gravel drive of King's House interrupted him. Oh, God, is that him now? Grey glanced guiltily round at the disarray of his office: A gaping half-packed portmanteau lolled in the corner, and the desk was strewn with scattered documents and the remnants of lunch, in no condition to be viewed by the man who would inherit it tomorrow. Run out and distract him, will you, Tom? Take him to the receiving room and pour rum into him. I'll come and fetch him as soon as I've done . . . something . . . about this. He waved a hand at the debris, and Tom obligingly vanished. Grey picked up the oiled rag and disposed of an unwary fly, then seized a plate scattered with bread crusts, blobs of cu