Stephen Clarke Books

An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it's surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.

The entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans, and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel, in defiance of an official English ban on his visit. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that, as "Dirty Bertie," Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.

Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Was the guillotine a French invention? Non! It was invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what hasreally been going on since 1066 ...

PARIS - one of the most visited cities in the world.BUT do you know ...Which is the most romantic spot to say 'je't'aime'? And the sexiest?Where to see fantastic art, away from all the crowds?Why Parisian men feel compelled to pee in the street?How to choose a hotel room where you might actually get a good night's sleep?Stephen Clarke goes behind the scenes to reveal everything Parisians know about their city - but don't want to tell you.

Have you ever walked into a half-empty restaurant in France, only to be told that it'scomplet? Attempted to say "merci beaucoup" and accidentally complimented someone on their cute backside? Been taken to what you've been assured is the perfect house deep in the countryside, only to find there's no electricity or running water? If the answer to any of the above is 'oui',Talk to the Snailis the book for you.Find out how to get served in a restaurant; learn to be exquisitely polite - and brutally rude - at the same time; discover the language of love, sex and suppositories (not necessarily in that order). It's all here in this funny, informative, seriously useful guide on how to get what youreallywant from the French. With advice on essential phrases and bons mots to cover all eventualities, and illustrated with witty real-life anecdotes,Talk to the Snailis a book that no self-respecting Francophile - or Francophobe - can afford to be without.

One Brit in Brussels. Two French Women. And a whole lot of merde. The hilarious new novel from Stephen Clarke, bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and A Thousand Years of Annoying the French. Does Brussels really want to outlaw bingo, bagpipes and smoky bacon crisps? Are eurocrats trying to rename the English Channel? And can the ink in euro notes really make men impotent? No. Well, not exactly. But it is true that the EU is a seriously flawed institution. And it's about to become even more so as Englishman Paul West goes to Brussels to work for a French MEP, and gets an insider's view of what really goes on in the massive madhouse that is the EU Parliament. As Britain prepares to vote whether it stays in or exits the EU, Paul gets the chance to influence the result of the referendum. He has to decide: better the devil you know? Or bring on the Brexit? It's a decision that could cost him a lot more than his euro paypacket . . .

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job and finds out what the French are really like.They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don t wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike re

Englishman Paul West has just received an offer he can't refuse: two weeks in the sun, all expenses paid, with a beautiful blonde called Gloria Monday. M, as Gloria likes to be known, is down south to report on caviar trafficking but it soon becomes o

Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going trés wrong:He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen.His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike - and it could be all his fault.His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right.And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him.Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out ...Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk's Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven. Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine?For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...