On Repentance and Repair

More about the book

This work offers a vital perspective on repentance, atonement, forgiveness, and the repair of harm, addressing both personal transgressions and broader societal issues. American culture often emphasizes letting go of grudges and redemption narratives, neglecting the responsibilities of perpetrators and the needs of those harmed. Survivor communities have highlighted that this focus can lead to further harm. Danya Ruttenberg introduces a more effective model, inspired by medieval philosopher Maimonides, who prioritized the obligation of the person who caused harm over the act of forgiveness. For Maimonides, the concept of repentance translates to a return—restoring the victim as much as possible while encouraging the perpetrator to act with humility and intentionality. He outlined five essential steps: acknowledging harm, initiating change, making restitution, offering an apology, and choosing differently. This framework applies not only to personal relationships but also to significant societal issues like systemic racism, the legacy of enslavement, and the aftermath of #MeToo. The book draws on traditional Jewish concepts while remaining accessible to all, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to foster a more just and whole society or grappling with their own mistakes.