Barbara Payton Books

One of the great "lost" autobiographies of Hollywood Babylon history, I Am Not Ashamed is the memoir of Barbara Payton, the 1950s film noir star who acted alongside greats like Jimmy Cagney and Gregory Peck – only to be fired by the studios for her wild (and very public) love-life... and ultimately walk the streets of Hollywood as an alcoholic prostitute. But, as she says throughout, she is not ashamed of her life. She achieved rare success in the Hollywood system and went down in an archconservative era, when McCarthy threatened the country’s free speech and Hollywood producers ran terrified of even a whiff of scandal. When Payton's boyfriend, actor Tom Neal, pounded a concussion into his effete romantic rival Franchot Tone, the whole incident went public and made Payton the Hollywood bad girl - too bad, as it turned out, for Warner Brothers to handle. Describing her downfall, Payton also talks about her relationships with Cagney, Sinatra, Peck and other big names. Lost for decades after its original 1963 release, I Am Not Ashamed leapt back into the limelight when Jack Nicholson lent it to Jessica Lange to help her prepare for her part in The Postman Always Rings Twice. Now Holloway House Publications has finally released this classic Hollywood tell-all.

Sylvia Loxley has a promising nursing career ahead of her and blessed with model good looks and a confident, outgoing personality, attracting men has never been difficult. She is able to combine regular retreats to her idyllic family home in rural western Canada with the captivating social life of the city. Her life journey, however, is about to take unforeseen turns through personal tragedy and family connections. A mysterious jet bead necklace and a beautifully sculpted figurine of a dancer play unexpected roles as she is compelled to reconnect with her roots in England. She is to discover that each item has a past that she cannot ignore. Her character is set to be forged through a series of fulfilling but demanding relationships and the adventure of travel.