Ben Elton Books

Then look no further. Blackadder: The Whole Damn Dynasty is the book for you. Here, at last, for the first time, are the full scripts of one of British television's funniest comedies. Follow the hilarious misadventures of the despicable Edmund Blackadder and his dimwitted sidekick Baldrick through four centuries of hopelessly mangled English history: from medieval nastiness through English history: from medieval nastiness through Elizabethan and Regency glory, to the mud and sauteed rats of the First World War. Aside from the ball-bouncingly funny scripts themselves, Blackadder also features special bonus sections: "Instruments of Torture in the Late Middle Ages"; "Medieval Medicine" ("1. Herbs; 2. Leeches; 3. Saw It Off"); and an indispensable "Index of Blackadder's Finest Insults".

Berlin 1920 Two babies are born. Two brothers. United and indivisible, sharing everything. Twins in all but blood. As Germany marches into its Nazi Armageddon, the ties of family, friendship and love are tested to the very limits of endurance. And the brothers are faced with an unimaginable choice....Which one of them will survive? Ben Elton's most personal novel to date,Two Brothers transports the reader to the time of history's darkest hour.

If you had one chance to change history...Where would you go? What would you do? Who would you kill? It's the 1st of June 1914 and Hugh Stanton, ex-soldier and celebrated adventurer is quite literally the loneliest man on earth. No one he has ever known or loved has been born yet. Perhaps now they never will be. Stanton knows that a great and terrible war is coming. A collective suicidal madness that will destroy European civilization and bring misery to millions in the century to come. He knows this because, for him, that century is already history. Somehow he must change that history. He must prevent the war. A war that will begin with a single bullet. But can a single bullet truly corrupt an entire century? And, if so, could another single bullet save it?

Flanders, June 1917: a British officer and celebrated poet, is shot dead, killed not by German fire, but while recuperating from shell shock well behind the lines.

HIGH SOCIETY is a story or rather a collection of interconnected stories that takes the reader on a hilarious, heart breaking and terrifying journey through the kaleidoscope world that the law has created and from which the law offers no protection.

Small, well appointed future. Semi detached. If the end of the world is nigh, then surely it's only sensible to make alternative arrangements. Certainly the Earth has its good points, but what most people need is something smaller and more manageable. Of course there are those who say that's planetary treason, but who cares what the weirdos and terrorists think? Not Nathan. All he cares is that his movie gets made and that's there's somebody left to see it. In marketing terms the end of the world will be very big. Anyone trying to save it should remember that. "From the Paperback edition."

With old friends like these, who needs enemies?It's a question mild mannered detective Edward Newson is forced to ask himself when, in romantic desperation, he logs on to the Friends Reunited website in search of the girlfriends of his youth. Newson is not the only member of the Class of take back '88 who has been raking over the ashes of the past. As his old class begins to reassemble in cyberspace, the years slip away and old feuds and passions burn hot once more.Meanwhile, back in the present, Newson's life is no less complicated. He is secretly in love with Natasha, his lovely but very attached sergeant, and failing comprehensively to solve a series of baffling and peculiarly gruesome murders. A school reunion is planned and as history begins to repeat itself, the past crashes headlong into the present. Neither will ever be the same again.In Past Mortem, Ben Elton - previous winner of The Crime Writers' Association Gold Dagger Award for Popcorn - delivers both a heart-stopping thriller and a killer comic romance.

The war on drugs has been lost but for want of the courage to face the fact that the whole world is rapidly becoming one vast criminal network. From pop stars and princes to crack whores and street kids. From the Groucho Club toilets to the poppy fields of Afghanistan, we are all partners in crime. HIGH SOCIETY is a story or rather a collection of interconnected stories that takes the reader on a hilarious, heart breaking and terrifying journey through the kaleidoscope world that the law has created and from which the law offers no protection.

‘Ben Elton’s 16th novel proves yet again what a genuinely talented comic novelist he is – it’s expertly crafted, very clever and really funny’ Harry Ritchie, Daily Mail Why are we all so hostile? So quick to take offence? Truly we are living in the age of outrage. A series of apparently random murders draws amiable, old-school Detective Mick Matlock into a world of sex, politics, reality TV and a bewildering kaleidoscope of opposing identity groups. Lost in a blizzard of hashtags, his already complex investigation is further impeded by the fact that he simply doesn’t ‘get’ a single thing about anything anymore. Meanwhile, each day another public figure confesses to having ‘misspoken’ and prostrates themselves before the judgement of Twitter. Begging for forgiveness, assuring the public “that is not who I am”. But if nobody is who they are anymore - then who the f##k are we? Ben Elton returns with a blistering satire of the world as it fractures around us. Get ready for a roller-coaster thriller, where nothing - and no one - is off limits. ‘Fast, funny and close to the bone’ Mail on Sunday 'A state-of-the-nation satire so sharp it’s a wonder its pages don’t leave paper cuts’ I paper

Imagine a world where everyone knows everything about everybody. Where 'sharing' is valued above all, and privacy is considered a dangerous perversion. Trafford wouldn't call himself a rebel, but he's daring to be different, to stand out from the crowd. In his own small ways, he wants to push against the system. But in this world, uniformity is everything. And even tiny defiances won't go unnoticed. Ben Elton's dark, savagely comic novel imagines a post-apocalyptic society where religious intolerance combines with a sex-obsessed, utterly egocentric culture. In this world, nakedness is modesty, independent thought subversive, and ignorance is wisdom. A chilling vision of what's to come? Or something rather closer to home?

One house, ten contestants, thirty cameras, forty microphones, one murder and no evidence. Dead Famous is a killer read from Ben Elton u Reality TV as you've never seen it before.

Deborah is a woman with personal transportation problems which she and her strange friend Geoffrey intend to solve. If they manage it, the knock-on effect could just save the cities of the world from driving themselves to their own funerals in man's greatest invention. But there are of course those who would be sorry to see that happen, those who are delighted with the traffic jams because they mean more new roads, those who want to see ever more cars sold because they will drink ever more oil, those who applaud only one type of public transport - the gravy train. And so the battle is on: an hilarious, exciting and staggeringly unequal battle in which a traffic warden can be a hero and a wheelchair can turn into a tank.

SF. The earth is dying due to the Greenhouse effect. A convention of the world's meanest wheeler-dealer money men seek ways to escape. A Pommie poseur from a small town in Western Australia becomes involved in the battle for survival.

"Chart Throb" is the ultimate pop quest. Ninety five thousand hopefuls. Three judges. Just one winner. And that's Colin Simms, the genius behind the show. Colin always wins because Colin writes the rules. But this year, as he sits smugly in judgement upon the mingers, clingers and blingers whom he has pre-selected in his carefully scripted 'search' for a star, he has no idea that the rules are changing. The 'real' is about to be put back into 'reality' television and Colin and his fellow judges (the nation's favourite mum and the other bloke) are about to become ex-factors themselves. Ben Elton, author of "Popcorn and Dead Famous" returns to blistering comic satire with a savagely hilarious deconstruction of the world of modern television talent shows. "Chart Throb" is about one winner and a whole bunch of losers.

Bruce shoots movies. Wayne and Scout shoot to kill. In a single night they find out the hard way what's real and what's not, who's the hero and who's the villain. The USA watches slack-jawed as Bruce and Wayne together resolve some serious questions. Does Bruce use erection cream? Does art imitate life or does life simply imitate bad art? And most of all, does sugar-pie really love his honeybun?

After the irresponsible, ignorant bliss of financial boom, stockbroker Jimmy and his family are forced to confront financial meltdown in this hilarious and deeply pertinent domestic drama.

Sam and Lucy seem like the perfect couple. Successful, happy and in love. But life isn't that simple. Lucy thinks thinks Sam is a sad, cold sensitivity-exclusion zone who would rather read a newspaper than have an emotion. Sam thinks Lucy is blaming him because she can't walk past Mothercare without getting all teary. The problem is that they might be infertile. And in more ways than one. Lucy wants a baby. Sam wants to write a hit movie. And given that the average IVF cycle has about a one in five chance of going into full production, Lucy's chances of getting what she wants are considerably better than Sam's. What Sam and Lucy are about to go through is absolutely inconceivable. The question is, can their love survive? Or are the odds stacked against them once again?

It S Two Fifteen A.M., You Re In Bed Alone And You Re Woken By The Phone.Your Eyes Are Wide And Your Body Tense Before It Has Completed So Much As A Single Ring. And As You Wake, In The Tiny Moment Between Sleep And Consciousness, You Know Already That Something Is Wrong.Only Someone Bad Would Call At Such An Hour. Or Someone Good, But With Bad News, Which Would Probably Be Worse.You Lie There In The Darkness And Wait For The Answer Machine To Kick In. Your Own Voice Sounds Strange As It Tells You That Nobody Is There But That A Message Can Be Left.You Feel Your Heart Beat. You Listen. And Then You Hear The One Voice In The World You Least Expect . . . Your Very Own Blast From The Past.