Henry N. Beard Books

Tired of being beaten by an honest game of golf, self-proclaimed hacker Henry Beard figured that he didn't need a new swing--his game just needed a new set of rules. WithThe Official Exceptions to the Rules of Golf, he created a bible for the sensible golfer who doesn't have time to lose. You'll learn how to cope with pesky influences: missed shots and lost balls that wreak havoc on your score. Did you search unsuccessfully for your ball in the fairway? Don't panic. All you have to do is declare that it is a Ball Missing in Fairway But Obviously Not Lost (Exception #6) and drop another ball into the approximate spot where itmusthave landed. What could make more sense? Filled withfairrules, this is the book that every practical golfer must have.

Saucy guide to survival in everyday French as it is really spoken. Included are chapters on insults, sex, drink, and those silent yet expressive Gallic gestures.

Leslie Nielsen, the World's Greatest Bad Golfer, teams up with humorist Henry Beard to produce a golf book for legions of hopeless duffers who know in their heart of hearts that no matter how much they practice, no matter what new tip they follow, no matter what foolproof method they embrace, they are never going to improve. Lavishly illustrated with more than 100 photos of the master himself, this bestselling golf parody is the perfect gift for Father's Day.

Designed to guide the reader through the use of Latin, this humorous book includes everyday English expressions rendered into grammatically accurate, idiomatically correct, classical Latin, with an easy-to-use pronunciation guide included. This is the sequel to Latin for all Occasions.

In Encyclopedia Paranoiaca, master satirists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf have assembled an authoritative, disturbingly comprehensive, and utterly debilitating inventory of things poised to harm, maim, or kill you – all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life. Beard and Cerf cite convincing evidence that everyday things we consider healthy – eating leafy greens, flossing, washing our hands – are actually harmful, and items we thought were innocuous – drinking straws, flip-flops, neckties, skinny jeans – pose life-threatening dangers. Did you know that nearly ten thousand people are sent to A&E each year because of escalator accidents? And if you're crossing your legs right now, you're definitely at serious risk.

More humor from the bestselling authors of Sailing, Gardening, Cooking, and Fishing. A perfect Father's Day gift!

Now that some American students have to fill in questionnaires for consensual lovemaking, going on a date is more of a minefield than ever before. This book aims to tell readers the truth about politically correct sex and is anecdotal, topical and amusing.

'A definitive (and often hilarious) guide to affect-transformative truth- obfuscatory locutions (that is, euphemisms and other deceptive language).'§-Steven Pinker, author of The Language Instinct and The Sense of Style§§'I never thought I'd say that a dictionary is a must-read, but Spinglish is a must-read. There, I've said it. It's also, brilliant, funny, sophisticated and subtle (although it made me laugh out loud).'§-Victor S. Navasky§§'This statement is one hundred percent free of spin: Spinglish proves, once again, that Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf are two of the funniest people in the world.'§-Andy Borowitz§§'[ Spinglish ] is one of those perfect bathroom books....all our worst neologisms from the worlds of politics, advertising, the military and whatever other industries have need for terminological subterfuge...lovingly footnoted so that curious readers can flips to the back of the book for sourcing.'§-Michael Ian Black, The New York Times Book Review§§'A serious, comprehensive, and informative lexicon of terms and phrases that 'spin doctors' have used to gloss over real meaning...enlightening and often just plain funny.'§- Library Journal

From the master of parodies comes the unauthorized history of the world's most infuriating yet irresistible game

With more than 200,000 copies in print, Latin for All Occasions and its follow-up, Latin for Even More Occasions , have helped scores of readers harness the language of Caesar and Cicero. Impress your boss with Occupational Latin (Lingua Latina Occupationi); sell your product with Sales Latin (Lingua Latina Mercatoria); flirt with your classics professor with Sensual Latin (Lingua Latina Libidinosa); look like the hipster you are with Pop-Cultural Latin (Lingua Latina Popularis); survive the holidays with Familial Latin (Lingua Latina Domestica) and Celebrational Latin (Lingua Latina Festiva). It’s all here, whether you’re a student of the language or just want to talk like one. From cocktail-party banter to climbing the corporate ladder to online dating, Latin for All Occasions features dozens of handy sections, including Las Vegas Latin, Latin for Golfers, Latin for Breakups, Latin for the Politically Correct, and much, much more. In one easy-to-use volume, National Lampoon founder Henry Beard presents hundreds of listings rendered in grammatically accurate classical Latin, with a foolproof pronunciation guide. Who says Latin is a dead language? From the comic genius who brought us X-Treme Latin comes Latin for All Occasions , guaranteed to help readers delight their friends, insult their enemies, and elevate the public discourse.