Hardcore Twenty-Four

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Simon Diggery was perched in a tree with Ethel, his pet boa constrictor, while I, Stephanie Plum, a bond enforcement officer in Trenton, New Jersey, stood below. Simon, a professional grave robber, was in violation of his bond, having been caught digging at a cemetery. My cousin Vinnie, his bail bondsman, had posted his bond, and now it was my job to retrieve him. I was accompanied by my sidekick, Lula, who had a larger-than-life personality. Simon claimed he was afraid to come down because of zombies he encountered while working. He described accidentally digging into a "zombie portal," which he had previously encountered but managed to escape. This time, however, he was overwhelmed and fled to the tree with Ethel for safety. I rolled my eyes at his zombie story, but Simon insisted they were real and had a keen sense of smell. I reminded him he was supposed to be in court that morning, but he argued that zombies were a bigger concern. I proposed he come down, and we would protect him. Simon worried about Ethel's care if he went to jail, but neither Lula nor I wanted the responsibility of taking care of a snake. Simon assured us Ethel was low-maintenance, needing just a weekly feeding.